I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
