He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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