so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
