If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
