i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
