we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
