Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
