Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
