I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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