Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
