mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
