Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My dick has a subreddit
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
