covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
