it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
