STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
