tell your sister to shave her snatch
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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