I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You are a genius and a whore.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
