It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fuck appropriateness.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
