the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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