Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
