if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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