Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
