The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
