I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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