I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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