doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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