apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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