Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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