the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
