I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
