Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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