i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize