I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Please don't give away my fajitas
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
