my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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