his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
