Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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