EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize