I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
