Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize