I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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