I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
