You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
