her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
