: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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