eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
