My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
