I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
