he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
