Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
