can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
