Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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