we're blogging at a bar
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
