I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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