allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
