my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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