weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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