Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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