I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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