kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
