it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
