He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
