My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
