i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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