Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
