"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
