You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
