Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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