something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
