I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
