By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
