Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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