I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
