would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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