Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
