you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
