I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
