I hate all girls vehemently.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You took a bar mat shot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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